I find myself lacking the confidence, or sometimes over- confidence, I once had about myself. Little things chip away at it, like parking the car in the garage and knocking the side mirror off. Now, even Toshi, my Shiba Inu, looks from side to side when I creep into the garage going zero miles per hour, praying I won’t knock off the duct taped mirror again.
Yesterday, I had to throw away a whole batch of cookie dough because I couldn’t remember if I put the baking soda in or not. Then, the minute I dumped it, I realized I must have. Since I pride myself on my fantastic memory- this blunder was a huge blow to my over-inflated ego, and a slight blow to my pocket book too; since butter, chocolate and vanilla are now at a premium prices.
There was a time, when no matter what, if I was trying to do something or fix something I would not stop until it was done. Yesterday in the middle of baking cookies and making soups, I had to stop and take a two-hour nap.
This last week, I had a cold and shingles. I didn’t miss any work but I did go to bed every night by 9PM and a few nights earlier than that. I was starting to feel very sorry for my aging, aching body and myself when at the end of the day yesterday I added up everything I had accomplished in a week – with a cold and shingles.
I built over 200 ads, and worked 47 hours. I cleaned my house twice, I made two different kinds of cookies (about 8 dozen ) and two different kinds of soup. I did about 10 loads of laundry, walked dogs, fed dogs, I wrote about 2500 words, read numerous magazine articles and three chapters of The Seven Pillars of Wisdom. I made at least four trips to the store and still I feel like I didn’t get enough done and I am inclined to think it’s because I’m getting old. But really- I probably did more than a lot of people half my age, who were not sick.
Here is where feeling old is symptomatic of something else entirely. I don’t feel old, I feel sick and I’m tired. My head is saying old though. My expectations for myself this week were for a healthy me- not a younger me.
It’s easy to blame age because it’s the likely suspect. You can’t help but notice it, because it actually does chip away at you. But this week didn’t kill me and I should feel good about what I did get done and not snivel about what I didn’t get done. I’m going to keep doing those brain exercises though because I really can’t afford to throw out any more cookie dough.
If you are 60 years old or older and you have not gotten your shingles shot- go get it. I have had this debilitating virus for over 25 years and it kicks my ass every time I have a flare up. The shot won’t do me any good because I already have shingles, but if you never had them, go get the shot.
Have a healthy week!
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